He Said He Had Reasons

“They did not bully me,” I said.

Adrian seemed to relax.

“Good.”

Silence stretched.

Then he said,

“The border is in unrest. I have to leave soon.”

“Oh.”

“After I accompany you on your return visit tomorrow, I must prepare the troops.”

“Thank you.”

“Clara…” He stepped closer. “Can you—”

“No.”

“You do not know what I was going to ask.”

“I know enough to refuse.”

His mouth tightened.

Then softened.

“I finally married you. Let us live properly from now on.”

Fire surged through me.

“Properly?”

I stood so fast my chair scraped against stone.

“You call this properly? You married my sister. She died in your household. Then you married me before her bones were cold.”

“I did not harm her.”

He grabbed my hand.

A general who had faced armies now trembled like a child.

“I swear, Clara. I never harmed Evelyn.”

“Then tell me how she died.”

His grip tightened.

“If you tell me the truth today,” I said, “perhaps we can live as respectful strangers.”

“I cannot yet.”

I laughed.

“Cannot?”

“There are things I have not confirmed.”

“Your promises are worthless.”

His face went pale.

“How many promises did you make me, Adrian? How many did you break?”

His eyes filled with pain.

“I had reasons.”

“Does everyone under heaven have reasons except me?”

Once, the city mocked me for loving him.

A merchant’s daughter dreaming of the Minister’s son.

A shameless girl chasing above her station.

My father beat me for ruining my sister’s reputation.

My mother cried.

My sister shielded me.

And I said I did not care.

I cared only for Adrian.

He told me his family opposed us.

He told me to wait.

He told me he would enlist, win military merit, and return to marry me.

I waited.

Years.

Then, on the eve of his wedding, I learned the bride was my sister.

Not from him.

Not from my family.

From the red lanterns being hung in our own courtyard.

I sat in my room for five days without speaking.

Evelyn came to me later.

She said she had not wanted it either.

The decree could not be refused.

She could not risk the Su family.

I did not forgive her then.

I had not known how little choice either of us truly had.

Adrian looked at me now as if every word cut him.

Good.

Let it cut.

Before he left, he said quietly,

“If anything happens while I am gone, find Lydia.”

Lydia?

The concubine said to warm his bed every night?

My confusion must have shown.

He did not explain.

Of course he did not.

Men and their reasons.

Their secrets.

Their unbearable belief that women should wait patiently until truth became convenient.