Howard’s Stars

The surgery was painful.

Through the machine, I watched the embryo slowly separate.

To say I did not hurt would be a lie.

This was the child I had carried for nearly three months.

Henry’s first child with me.

Also the last.

Waiting outside the operating room was my sister Leah, who had rushed back from abroad.

When she saw my pale face, she cried.

“Sister, you worked hard.”

I hugged her tightly.

“Be good. It’s over.”

While I was in surgery, Leah and my brother had already withdrawn investment from Henry’s company.

I did not know yet.

When I returned to the ward, my brother and sister-in-law were there.

“Qingqing,” my brother said, “Henry is about to go bankrupt.”

My sister-in-law helped me into bed and tucked me in.

“Then let him go bankrupt,” I said. “It has nothing to do with me anymore.”

“We have to go back today,” my brother said. “There is a lead on that person.”

Strangely, this was the person I most wanted to see.

Yet when I heard the news, I was terrifyingly calm.

Perhaps Henry’s face had worn away too much of my patience.

I did not know if I still had enough warmth left to face Howard.

Back home, I began piecing together the broken star jar.

Leah advised me to stop.

But this was the last thing Howard had left me.

I had to fix it.

I cut my hand on the broken glass.

Blood would not stop.

Still, I kept piecing.

“Sister, broken mirrors cannot be made whole.”

“No,” I said. “It can work. This isn’t a broken mirror.”

The paper stars were from the night before Howard proposed.

He said these stars would accompany me for a long time.

Even if he was not by my side, they would stay with me.

Back then, I blamed him.

“Are you abandoning me?”

“No,” he said. “I like my little girl most.”

But just as I said then, he did abandon me.

When the jar was finally pieced together, I held it up.

Cracks remained.

But it looked almost like before.

A flattened star lay beside my hand.

I opened it.

Inside was one sentence.

I like Qingqing so much.

I opened another.

Qingqing wore a white dress today. Very pretty. But I think other colors suit her better. Tina Bai is copying her. Knife her!

Then another.

Daily question: Do I like Qingqing more today?

Another.

Qingqing secretly ate ice cream today. Terrible. Eating cold things during her period will make her stomach hurt. She still likes peach flavor best.

Another.

Qingqing caught a cold and missed school. I miss her. I’ll bring her favorite fried rice after school.

Leah saw my expression shift and helped me open all the stars.

Every piece held one line.

They were all Howard’s open, fearless love.

I got hurt today. Qingqing cried so badly.

Qingqing and I are going to the same university!

I feel like Henry likes Qingqing. This won’t do. Qingqing is mine. I’ll confess soon.

I haven’t spoken to Qingqing for a week. I’ve been so busy. Will she blame me?

Will Qingqing agree to my proposal tomorrow?

I collapsed to the floor and cried.

He really loved me.

Howard’s love had always been something he could show to the world.